Except for the first two sentences, the entirety of the following short story was written by an AI. The intro was lifted from a silly text exchange between myself and a work colleague – let’s just call him Eli.

Malaysian Sasquatch Guard

by: API Key 85b4427e-815e-4efd-99e2

In jiu jitsu, sasquatch guard is easy to pass with the upside down flea hop, but you have to do it malaysian style. I like rolling malaysian style because it gives me strong ankles. It also gives me an easier jumping. And it gives me a greater range of motion. For example, with maria, you have to be very careful about jumping on top of her. If you can't jump, you cannot be a guard dog. If you jump on top of her, the legs can lose leverage and your ass will fall down. You don't get more control, because she won't fall off her ass. For me, I'm just lucky that I can do that on her, because when the guard dog drops off, she is just a little bit more balanced than on her. She will see when you are jumping, she'll feel it better. What am I missing? I get a little frustrated by the little girl holding the sword in my hand. When they look at each other, I assume she is saying, 'You know, you like to practice your moves by holding something.' It is a bit of a hard position for all of us, and I guess that's what many of the kids do for fun.

I had just met my wife the other day, and she told me that she was on her way home from a vacation. But she had a problem. In one of our fights, she pushed the baby-sitting husband into the van, which then pushed her to the ground, causing minor injuries. I told her that she couldn't be the baby and asked her if she was ready for the next one. She told me that as long as she didn't get back to the van, she wouldn't be too worried about it either; she simply would find it easier to leave to go to work. What made our experiences more personal was that she was the oldest child of a single mother who had one of our sons. She had a brother who was a mechanic, and we had a grandson who was a janitor.

She always asked me about what made her want to take such an important job, and I always said that as soon as it was the right time, I would be willing to take her as long as I could. I learned about her family a few months after her death--she was the daughter of a longtime neighbor who had left work to become a private tutor-in-training, and she was still attending university. By the time I was 18 years old, I had read a book about her. It inspired me and taught me to talk of her life, but it was a book of great emotional power, so I started to think about them later in life. My brother would go to school for many months at an early age, and the only day of his junior year he actually saw any of my sister. I would try to stay out of my sister's way when she was about 14 or 15, but it turned out she would go at least once a week. She's survived on her diet, but I didn't mind eating out a lot; it's something I used to do when I was a kid. All I'd ever put into my sister was some fruit and veggies; I was able to use them to fill up a can of soda. But we lived on my own. I was very poor and barely had any income.

A lot has changed since my sister got her bruises covered up. My mom does stuff, but when she gets the money, her mom doesn't really have much of a business anymore. My mom is like, "What is that? I don't know," or whatever. She goes to my house, she does all this stuff, and then I don't think that's much of a business. She's never a family dog. She's a social worker or maybe a health teacher. She's always in the middle of an incident. She probably has to be called in about this stuff for things she has to deal with. Her little sister also says I don't know what to say. She doesn't want to know what's going on, but if I am asked this question or this is bothering her, I wouldn't believe her, because she's very sensitive and very quiet and her parents are very sensitive. So, we're talking about something that the entire family, myself included, believes as it relates to bullying. If I'm asked this question, well, of course I will think you are lying to me. But no, I'm really, really, really concerned that someone might be feeling their way here. Do you think the new rules are hurting the kids, or is there going to be a backlash? I think there is, we'll see.

I think parents, of course, want to protect their kids, but there also are parents that want their kids raised at a safe place. Do you feel very comfortable being exposed to what you perceive to be the risks of certain types of activities? In general, I haven't been exposed to too many things on a daily basis and I think that's what I think kids feel. So a lot of people don't feel like they're exposed to any of these things. There are a lot of things that people are aware of in our society — people get exposed to a lot of things a lot more often. It doesn't make them comfortable just because you're not sure of what you're exposed to. These people shouldn't be taking risks, but they should be taking risks. For parents not connected with kids, you're being overly dramatic. But you're not taking risks in one way. For parents with children, your decision to talk about what is going on is not a decision about what things parents want them to do. It's a decision about what these kids are likely to do next, which is not something that will be made a priority over the rest of their lives. The important thing here is the ability to stay in a good, loving, caring and kind environment where you're connected to other people. Have you had any child abuse? If so, please get back to me in a minute.

** The End **