As an adult, I’m convinced that the only thing that forces the average person to become philosophically contemplative (a la Martin Heidegger) is a serious (and disturbing) confrontation with the possibility of dying.

When I was 18 years old, I was stationed at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri, and wrapping up my training as a Combat Engineer. Because of what was going on in Kuwait at the time, and the strong belief that Saddam Hussein’s army possessed chemical and biological weapons, everyone believed the constant stream of CNN ballpark estimates of first day casualties, which hovered around 40,000. That was the consensus in the summer of 1990, and that’s what pushed me as an adult to begin subjecting my life to closer examination.

The emergence of Joe “6-pack” Dasein

The Corona Virus outbreak, for many Americans, is the first time that large numbers of people will acknowledge that nearly 100% of what they think about, worry about, and concern themselves with is nonessential. And they didn’t even have to read Being and Time!

Not wanting to be a negative Nancy, and certainly not being too cool for frivolous concerns myself, I wanted to put together a list of my own silly-as-f*** preoccupations and frivolous diversions. Luckily, all I had to do was search through Evernote using the phrase preoccupation.

Cataloging My Preoccupations

Since 2006, I have jotted down interesting things in Evernote that I felt might one day be useful to know or interesting to discuss with my daughters. Things such as book lists, odd jobs I have had, places to visit, beautiful college libraries, etc. This diversion grew into a project of general list-making that encompassed any old thought/idea that just kind of stuck; that I couldn’t shake for whatever reason. Below are a few examples:

• Ideas for inventions that could never possibly be made (ie: Aerosol-delivered burrito sealant)

• Super powers of comic book heroes/villains, which with the benefit of hindsight and maturity, now appear patently absurd (ie: Buford Hollis aka: Razorback - “…Razorback is a skilled mechanic and self-taught engineer who built two cab-over tractor-trailer trucks with sophisticated defensive systems, enhanced engines and self-drive capabilities”. I am not making this shit up.)

• Phrases that nearly (but do not exactly) rhyme (ie: can I have a glass of chateau-neuf-du-pape? … can I ask you to shut-the-fuck-up?)

• News headlines that look made up, but are not (ie: My baby was born without an anus or… 9 Struggles Only People Who Love To Wear Hats Would Understand)

• Wondrous sounding names of beings, places, and objects taken from folklore, etc. (ie: Kusanagi - sometimes called The Sword of the gathering clouds of heaven)

One such list I find very instructive is a recurring one titled: Things I am preoccupied with. This list, much like the Dow Jones Industrial Average, behaves as a basic barometer — a timestamped indicator of the degree to which my own head is shoved up my own ass. Below is a comparison of two lists: one collected today; the other from a time that is pre-covid 19.

Things I am concerned with now - 3/23/2020

1. Getting food

2. Keeping my family virus-free

3. My wife or children being assaulted because of racists that have been triggered by the words of the man-child President *****

4. Rioting, looting - the establishment of martial law

5. The possibility of a major step toward the dismantling of American democracy such as the “temporary” dissolution of Congress

6. My daughters becoming inculcated into a slave-like obedience to screens and online meetings; of equating education with contract work

7. The safety of my sister’s family and my parents

Things I was (at an earlier point) concerned with - 4/20/2018

1. There is never enough fucking coffee in the house

2. My new hair-do keeps changing shape from a mohawk to a Peeky Blinders style comb-over, depending on wind conditions, and it sort of bothers me

3. My boss is not telling me the truth about something

4. The house numbers Norene bought are so f***ing dark, they may as well be invisible

5. My daughter sort of f***ed up on her Revolutionary War report, and I'll have to talk to her about it

6. My daughters just don’t know how proud I am of them

7. I think my dad is lonely

8. I'm worried about my mom's health

9. I worry that **** ***** is going to leave our jiu jitsu school

10. There is so much junk mail arriving at our house, it's f***ing insane

11. We just got a $***** tax refund, and I'm worried that an IRS klaxon has gone off in Washington DC

12. The f***ing squirrels are back to their dumb ways in the yard again

13. My trip to Detroit is coming up, and I really want it to go well

14. I'm still on chapter 1 of the book on machine learning I'm reading. There just haven't been enough opportunities for quiet uninterrupted time

15. My randori pacing during jiu jitsu is just fine, but **** thought I was punishing a blue belt last week - I completely disagree with that characterization

16. The basement in the house is still creepy as f***

17. The garden hose in the back has lost 10-20% of its water pressure - for reasons I have yet to discover

18. The Japanese coffee place, Anchor, is flagrantly overcharging for drip coffee, and those f***ers are getting away with it — Brown Butter on Tompkins is even worse

19. I have a TON of hobbies that I'd like to pursue, but no time to do them all - Japanese wood block printing for instance. Shit man, time is not infinite!

20. I'd like to have a barbecue and see some old friends

21. When and where will our next vacation be?

22. When in the s*** is POTUS going to be ejected from office?

23. Midterm elections. Let there be an avalanche. F***ing please.

24. Ted F***ing Cruz is an invertebrate 

25. My bottom teeth really need to be straightened out

26. I am worried that my 10K and half marathon race times have really suffered in the last year

27. I need to quit my Chelsea Piers membership, but the quality of close-by gyms in Brooklyn is abysmal

28. I worry that there is a brain drain going on at work

29. When in the world is spring really going to begin? The f***ing outside temperature on April 20 is only slightly above freezing (37º)

30. There is so much ignorance in the world, and the social cost of it is growing as the global population increases

31. The chasm between credulous low-information people and skeptical people who can think critically is enormous. There is a f***ing man who commissioned a low earth orbit rocket to be built so that he could pilot it in order to prove that the earth is flat. He is a former limousine driver and very competent auto mechanic. ‽ #Buford_Hollis

32. There has never once, in the history of the world, been a WYSIWYG editor that is not a total f***ing piece of shit. Can we not just assemble an international consortium of the greatest minds on earth to solve this problem once and for all?!