#1. Does my company have Integrity?

Minimum requirement: fuck yeah.

• I want to be surrounded by people, from the top down, who care more about doing what is right than figuring out who is right

• I want to feel safe saying things like "I don't understand how this works.", and empowered to speak up when I disagree with an idea

• I want a culture that emphasizes "we" rather than "I"; that expects a high level of accountability from everyone — and higher from its leaders

• I want esprit de corps –– like the people at my first great software job; where everyone answered support tickets, nobody said “this is not my job”, and everyone had the mindset… “I will go down with the ship”. I'm looking for that, without the literal need to drown at sea. 😜

#2. Am I joining a team of ninjas?

Minimum requirement: fuck yeah.

• I want to learn from people who are not winging it, and frequently be reminded that I am nowhere close to being the smartest person in the room

• I want to be mentored by a hands-down badass in areas I have a high interest in (requirements traceability, static code analysis, testing strategy, api testing, performance testing, contract testing, microservice testing), and ideally have a close working relationship with that person following the model of phd advisor

• I want to be given encouragement, opportunities, and the necessary tools/budget to learn new things aligned with my field, the freedom to experiment with new technologies and tools, and grow new skills – both as a doer and a planner

• I want access to a wider group of people who can show me all the bright and shiny things I'm only superficially aware of right now like: serverless architecture, machine learning, chaos engineering

#3. Are these people awesome?

Minimum requirement: fuck yeah.

I want to work in an environment that possesses creativity and mirth, with people like this: I want hackathons, photoshop fridays, goofy company emails, stories of weird hobbies, invitations to strange events, awful dad jokes, etc. Doing technical work places a lot of demands on my energy levels, and small gestures of frivolity and horseplay are vital. From my point of view, they provide the ongoing emotional fortification that makes you resilient to the brain stresses of doing hard technical work. I do not want to work at a place that promises to insert a stick up my ass.

#4. Is courtesy & Respect authentic?

Minimum requirement: fuck yeah.

I won't tolerate a coworker who disrespects someone based on their accent, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or who they voted for – and I don't want to work at a place that expects me to stay quiet or look the other way if this happens in front of me.

☝🏽With that said, I don't want to participate in a culture that is reflexively and thoughtlessly devoted to political correctness and symbolic gestures of empathy. I want the real thing, even if it's imperfect, and comes out clumsily.

Hypothetical example: engineering wants to rename the "master" branch on all repositories because they believe this is disrespectful to African Americans. Yet the same engineering department doesn't have a single black manager. That is some straight up bullshit.

#5. Work/Life Balance

I want to work at an organization that regards my mental health and physical fitness as assets to protect, support, and nourish; with people who treat my family dinners, weekend plans, and vacations as sacred time.

• I want teammates and managers who accept the fact that once in a while, I won't be able to make the scrum because of personal reasons – I promise I won't abuse this trust

• I want to have a conversation with coworkers over Slack or in the coffee room for no reason at all other than just to get to know them as human beings

• I expect to occasionally run into people who share my hobbies and passions: science fiction, philosophy, jiu jitsu, running, crossfit, and politics

#6. Strong Bias Toward Action + Autonomy, sans Bureaucracy

I want clear goals and a good amount of autonomy in how I structure my day-to-day activities in pursuing those goals. I want to be supported without being micro-managed. A little ambiguity and uncertainty is fine. I don't need to be told that I'm going to be eating a Denver omelet for breakfast on Sept 14, 2025. What I don't want is a change in strategy every time DORA releases a new white paper.

#7. Do they know how to Focus?

I perform at my best when I can place a majority of my concentration on a low number of things my team and I agree are important.

1. I want an organization that can clearly state its goals

2. I want to understand those goals, how they're related, which ones are most important, and which ones I can/cannot impact

3. I want to commit fully to pursuing 1 or 2 very specific things that relate to a subset of high-value goals that I can impact

4. I want to work closely with a small group (3-6) that shares the exact same focus, and I want the the result of our efforts to be measurable

#8. Comfortable Work Conditions

• I want to work from home – most of the time – on a souped up Macbook Pro

• If there’s an office, I want to be able to show up, and not have to wonder if the company has just started running out of money. To wit: good sunlight, a quality coffee machine, clean surfaces, a way to enter and exit the building that doesn’t involve tossing or catching anything from a fourth story window.

• I would love to occasionally colocate with people outside of my team – even if that involves some travel. I've found that doing this brings about an organic cross-pollination of ideas that sometimes results in small, but meaningful breakthroughs.

• I want to join the vpn and check email without feeling like I've done the equivalent of an American Ninja Warrior guantlet – eg: keyfobs, mfa, draconian key rotation/password policies, source code oaths of allegiance, etc.

• If I have to file expense reports, I want it to be hassle-free

• I want to be able to say the words godammit, fuck, shit, and asshole (at a minimum) during meetings when I am among consenting adults who know me. I don’t curse a lot, and there are certain words I will never say, but sometimes, there is no better substitute for “what the fuck is that?” If my teammates don’t have any appetite for salty language, no big deal. I can adjust.

#9. I want people to Notice my work

I want to feel like there is some mechanism in place that can clearly demonstrate whether or not the work I do causes my organization’s success to go up or down. And I want to know that I will receive feedback on the outcome.

#10. I want to be paid fairly

I want to be paid enough so that if I were out having drinks with engineering peers from Apple, Amazon, Disney, Google, or Adobe I wouldn’t feel like a chump for offering to pick up the tab.